WHAT AM I LONGING?

What am I longing for?
Well, to be honest if the question was, what food am I longing for I would definitely say "Filet Mignon"!
If it was TV show I would say this BBC MASTERPIECE show called Poldark!
If it was a movie I would say maybe a Spider Man Movie or a good Rom-Com!

We know Americans are obsessed with taking care of our bodies mmm sometimes our mind, but what about the soul?

The first time I realized who HE was. I felt remorse, joy, hope, loved, forgiveness especially peace!
I had missed those feelings. Lately...

When I ask to settle down, to honor Him, to be still...can I get quiet enough? I can and in fact those feelings of hope are here with me.

I felt a stirring in my soul as if I had read this passage for the first time.

Reading...I have full access to knowledge through my relationship with Christ.
Knowledge, understanding, wisdom, will of His, power, strength, able to live a life worthy of bearing fruit, according to His glorious might so that...I can have great endurance, patience and joyfully giving thanks to the Father...

this next part blows my mind because some have said of me, you are weak, she needs help, she can't do that on her own...

but...
He says, "He has qualified me!"

Me...qualified...do you know you are qualified?  The prayer to grow in this truth...Colossians 1.

The question comes...what am I longing for in my soul?

What?

I am quiet...

My heart speaks...to please you...I make that into a prayer! Lord I want to please you.

A soft whisper within me gives this reply.

Live a quiet life...mind your own business.

Where is that?
I have read it before.
I Google search it in the bible.
1Thess. 4:11-12
The theme of this chapter is...Teaching concerning development in orderly living.

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, SO THAT your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

Please God.
Yes!

How does this pertain to my struggle.

I am qualified.
I have full access.
I will have the peace of God to lead me.

My prayer, will you pray with me.
my soul longs for you, thank you for qualifying me, thank you for the full access to you, lead me. Amen.

Our lives get entangled in so much. So many thoughts...questions like why are they doing that?...or why did they go there? Is it my business. Is this helpful questions or thoughts that I want to get entangled to?

If you catch yourself being more worried, anxious, feeling out of sorts...perhaps you aren't minding your own business.

I'm just sayin!

When we want to lead a peaceful life we (I'm talking to myself) we have to be CARE FULL!  We are care about our minds well being and we need to be cautious...Is it FULL of the right thoughts?

SO MUCH LOVE

I watched them playing and tumbling, just having so much fun. No matter what they do I could sit and watch them for ever.

My grandsons...no matter what I can't get enough. The love is immense.

My heart ponders.
Could it be?
Could my beloved Father in heaven love me this much?
Could He look at me and no get enough?

I have to believe.
I have to!

I picture myself cuddling my grandsons. Sitting them on my lap holding their face in the nape of my neck.

I picture Jesus...holding me and stroking my hair. Removing my hair from my brow. Loving me. Protecting me. Wanting the best for me.

Do I believe?

He must love me...He says He loves me.

He calls me His beloved.

WHEN NO ONE WATCHES

My mom, grandmother, Dr. Mullen, John all gone ten years ago. Cliche: "Time flies".
Pastor reminds us, "Friends I tell you it is 100% sure that we will all one day die."

This goes through my mind when and no one knows. Time. Really death can occur at any age.  What age is acceptable these days? Is the trend anything under 90 is devastating? That is what I'm saying today since my dad is nearing 86.

We moved recently and you can't help but think we could be in this house like twenty-thirty years. Could be? Then my mind goes to something unhelpful. I use the words today to help myself and others...helpful or unhelpful thoughts, which am I or them are choosing to get through a rough patch. My unhelpful thought...mmm ten years went by fast...that is how it will be in this house. Comparing!
It is a snare to compare or even invite this conversation into my head or even your head.

These kind of thoughts just don't help. I think we can all agree with that. If death has and will continue to occur at any age, at any point in our life we could be in fear of death and go down a path of unhelpful thoughts of fear and despair.

This conversation in my head led to the Holy Spirit helping me by reminding me of the scripture Paul wrote, "

GO WEST YOUNG MAN

As I opened my Christmas gift I never imagined that two concerts ticket to see the Newsboys and Michael W. Smith would be so helpful! I can't think of a word "helpful", maybe "insightful", but what I am trying to say is meaningful, with deep meaning.

Let me explain.

We, my husband and I, are in the busiest, most stressful time of our life and then it happened, an alert on our phone calendar "Michael W. Smith Concert." Do we go? Geez the timing tho! Then I say maybe the "pause, time out, be still moment" will be good. Forcing ourselves to slow down for just one night. We would play catch up later to that maddening "To do list." Off we went.

I never imagined the impact this would mean. let me try and write it. It would be a confirmation...mmm...another faith builder. As the Newsboys came on stage and starting singing the songs I knew from the days of youth camp. The memories of students screaming and singing to the song. It took me back to the time my husband and I were youth leaders of our kids and church kids. We would take them to these crazy concerts, wait out on the street and scream when the Newsboys would meet and greet us. Crazy time of joy and laughter!
At the concert, I left my "To do" behind and just rested in the words to the songs, which were filled with scripture and memories. My change in my life needed to happen; scanning my past and remembering that good times will help me to roll forward and remember, it won't always be so tough. Hey! When the song by Michael W. Smith, GO WEST YOUNG MAN, I about fell onto the floor because we had been preparing to do exactly that in the next few days, moving WEST.

A message came through, go west, go in peace, don't look back, you are leaving Egypt (which for Israel was slavery and for me a modern day slavery (bills, congestion, frustration all strangling me and my husband)). 

Friends this story carried me long enough till the next story...a better way to say it is the next encounter with Jesus, where I clearly can't deny he is with me and orchestrating my path. Thank you Jesus.

"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith. NKJV Heb. 12:2"