OH GOD YOU ARE MY GOD

Oh God You are my God earnestly I seek you.
My soul thirst for You.
My body longs for You in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Psalm 63 penned by King David. When I studied this Psalm years ago my eyes were glued to the page. I read over and over these first verse and I just declared with David "Me too!" A dry and weary land. Think back to a time you saw crackling dry ground causing dust to fly up in the air and get in your nose, hair, face. Or flowers vegetation dried up and on the verge of dying. You know when there is a drought. My life can be like that too, dried up, void of connection. I can be in a room and feel empty.

My desperation to seek and find God started with a deep need for meaning in my life. As time went on and questions like "Who is God? Who is Jesus? Who is the Holy Spirit? Why did Jesus have to die? Why was I even born? Do I have a have a purpose?" and I was getting answers my need became a want. I wanted to know God more and understand the power of His resurrection. It was a treasure to find answers it was like I found silver and gold. I found the scripture to be true, seek the Lord like you would seek silver and gold then you will know the wisdom and understanding of God. My life began to have meaning. The living water of Jesus filled me up. Kind of like like the women at the well. The women at the well like me had a sin sick soul. She snuck out to go to the well not wanting to be confronted or seen. She was dry and weary, and scared from her past. Her life was meaningless and empty. But something in the eyes of the man she met at the well was inviting. Not in a sinful way but in an a compassionate empathetic way. He explained that he can give her living water. That day her mind, body and soul was filled with His living water. Her sin sick parched soul was satisfied for the first time ever. Life had meaning. So much meaning that she ran to tell others. She went to the others that had all along made her feel dry and weary. But her courage like Davids caused her to see the land of living. A fresh touch of perspective.

I love the next verses in Psalm 63 "I see You in the sanctuary with all Your power and glory." I wanted to know what David saw in the sanctuary (a sacred place). Daily I began to read these words over and over. I longed and asked "Can I go there God? Can I too see this place? Where is it?" I knew that David went to temple probably as a boy but then his life did not permit him to go. He was being hunted down and hiding.

I reread some of David's triumphs over the years. As a boy he protected his sheep from dangerous animals like lions and bears. Scripture says he was a man after God's own heart. A man after God's heart would not talk to God every once in a while. He would talk to God all day ever day. His relationship grew to such a point that nothing could satisfy him. Not even the best meat he consumed. David said he loved God better than life. David had courage. Courage to fight a nine foot giant, Goliath. Goliath's tip of his sword was fifteen pounds. That's like three big bags of flour.

I wondered and asked "Where did David meet with God?" I want to believe that God gave him a sanctuary in his mind. Other scriptures supports this when God says he is our rampart, our fortress. These are all places that God wants us to picture in our mind where he takes us to protect us. He knew life would throw us lions and bears. Meaning toxic people. Difficult circumstances.

In fact Jesus teaches us by saying "In this world you will have troubles but take heart I have overcome the world."

Perhaps David is given a dream of this sacred place after all he says "I think of you through the night, because you help me." He was given a gift, a place, to see God's power and glory.

I asked God could I see what David saw? Time passed with no answer. I could only continue to pray and reread this Psalm.

Until...

One night God must have figured I was ready and I awoke with an urgency to get to my computer. My groggy, crusty eyes were closed I placed my fingers on the keyboard and I began to type with great persistence and perseverance.

I went to the place the sanctuary. the breathtaking, awe inspiring and refreshing place.
I can't put into words how I was truly renewed.
It was a place of soul care and love. A taste of Heaven and the sanctuary.
What a miracle it was.
I sensed I am being sent out. A delightful taste to give to others. A piece of heaven. My script was written.

This happened in 2008 and today I heard a song written by Fernando Ortega singing Psalm 63. My heart is renewed just remembering this special moment.

I am hoping by writing this that I inspire you to find your refuge, rampart or fortress to have a deep sense that God protects and guides you.

"For in Him we live and move and have our being" (Acts 17:28 NIV). Not only had I thought about this verse but divinely I have been brought there twice through different writings. When that happens I feel stirred to go to the verse and read it over and over. The before and after. To get a sense of what is being said and I like it. It resonates with my soul and excites me to be want to be able to share with others. "God did this so that they would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from any one of us" (Acts. 17:27 NIV). As Paul described what God wants for all has happened to me.

I have been asking myself how I can get RENEWED to gain back my energy and sense of clarity. Other words that come to mind REFUELED, REFOCUSED and RESURGED, I began to think hard how will I get it. Like dah, can I conjure this up? Of course finally I prayed. Slowly God began to show me nature on my bike rides in a new way. Gazing at a panoramic scene of a lake with all it's beauty and I began to write what I saw. Every movement of nature my senses were stimulated and heightened with awareness. I REALIZED this is where I can get "Renewed".

These past months I have reminded of that I want God to live and move and have my being.

I am not getting a full picture of what will happen in the future. I am just getting a sense of being satisfied with the answers I have today.

Let go of what we expected and embrace what we have.

In this dry and weary land can we still have meaning. Yes! It comes through Jesus love and His life and especially through His suffering in the end which ended with new life.

Finding unconditional love for others is hard. I want to love with out expectations and conditions.